Child Custody Factor Assessment Tool
Evaluate Your Custody Factors
This tool assesses your strength in key factors courts consider when determining child custody in New Zealand. Each factor is scored from 1-5 based on your responses.
Your Results
Higher scores (4-5) show strong alignment with court considerations. Scores 3 indicate moderate alignment. Scores 1-2 may need improvement.
When parents separate, the question who is most likely to get custody of a child isn’t about winning or losing. It’s about what works best for the child. Courts don’t give custody to the mom because she’s the mom, or to the dad because he’s the dad. They look at one thing: the child’s best interests. And that’s not as simple as it sounds.
There’s no automatic winner in child custody cases
Many people believe moms always get custody. That’s a myth. In New Zealand, the law doesn’t favor one parent over the other based on gender. The Care of Children Act 2004 says custody decisions must focus on the child’s safety, stability, and emotional well-being. Courts look at who has been the primary caregiver, not who earns more or who is more assertive in court.
Take Sarah, a single mother in Christchurch. She worked part-time to care for her six-year-old while her ex-husband traveled for work. When they split, he expected equal time. But the court gave Sarah primary care because the child’s routine, school, and emotional support were tied to her. The dad got regular overnight visits and holidays. It wasn’t about being a mother-it was about consistency.
On the flip side, James, a dad in Dunedin, stayed home for two years after his child was born while his wife returned to her job. When they separated, he asked for primary care. The court agreed. He had fed, bathed, and put the child to sleep every day for over 700 days. The fact that he was a father didn’t hurt his case-it helped.
What the court actually looks at
Family Court judges in New Zealand use a set of clear factors to decide custody. These aren’t secrets-they’re written into the law. Here’s what matters most:
- Who has been the main caregiver? Who gets the child up in the morning? Who takes them to school, doctor visits, and extracurriculars? Who knows their allergies, bedtime stories, and favorite stuffed animal?
- Stability and routine. Does the child have a consistent home, school, and community? Moving schools or neighborhoods often hurts kids more than parents realize.
- Emotional bond. Who does the child turn to when they’re scared, sick, or upset? Courts look at attachment, not just time spent.
- Safety and well-being. Any history of abuse, neglect, substance use, or violence? Even if it happened years ago, it’s relevant if it affects the child’s safety now.
- Willingness to support the other parent’s relationship. If one parent tries to turn the child against the other, that’s a red flag. Courts want co-parenting, not conflict.
These aren’t checklists you can game. They’re real-life patterns judges see every day. A parent who says, “I want equal time,” but hasn’t changed a diaper in six months won’t win. A parent who says, “I’m not asking for much,” but has been the only one showing up for every school meeting? That’s the person who gets primary care.
Parenting plans matter more than court battles
Most custody arrangements in New Zealand are settled outside court. About 85% of cases end in agreements between parents, often with help from a family lawyer or mediator. Why? Because court is expensive, slow, and stressful-for the parents and especially the child.
A good parenting plan answers the small questions that turn into big fights:
- Who picks up the child from school on Wednesdays?
- What happens if the child gets sick during the other parent’s time?
- Can the child travel overseas? With which parent? With what notice?
- How are holidays split? Christmas Eve? Birthday weekends?
These details sound tiny, but they’re what keep things calm. Parents who work together on these details have kids who adjust faster, do better in school, and feel more secure.
That’s why many parents hire a child custody lawyer-not to fight, but to make sure their plan is clear, fair, and legally sound. A good lawyer doesn’t push for “winning.” They help you build a plan that lasts.
What can hurt your case
Even if you’re the loving, involved parent, some actions can damage your chances:
- Keeping the child from the other parent. If you refuse visits without a court order, even for “safety,” you’re seen as obstructive. Courts want contact unless there’s real danger.
- Talking badly about the other parent to the child. Kids hear everything. If they feel they have to choose sides, it causes long-term harm.
- Changing routines suddenly. Moving schools, switching doctors, or pulling the child out of activities right after separation looks like punishment-not protection.
- Using the child as a messenger. Asking your six-year-old to tell the other parent about weekend plans? That’s not parenting. That’s placing a burden on them.
- Ignoring court orders. Even if you disagree, breaking a court order can cost you custody rights. Judges don’t tolerate disrespect of the process.
These aren’t just bad ideas-they’re legal risks. One dad in Auckland lost overnight visits for six months because he kept the child past drop-off time to “punish” his ex. The court didn’t care about his frustration. They cared about the child’s sense of safety.
What if one parent is unfit?
Not every parent is capable of caring for a child. If there’s domestic violence, addiction, mental health issues, or neglect, the court will act. But “unfit” doesn’t mean “bad person.” It means someone who can’t provide consistent, safe care right now.
For example, a mother with untreated depression might not be able to wake up on time for school or keep meals ready. That’s not evil-it’s illness. Courts often order supervised visits and parenting support instead of cutting off contact entirely.
On the other hand, if a parent has a history of physical abuse, the court may limit contact to supervised visits in a center, or even suspend it until therapy and safety plans are in place. The goal isn’t punishment-it’s protection.
Documentation matters. If you’re worried about safety, keep records: texts, photos, medical reports, witness statements. A child custody lawyer can help you organize this so it’s clear and credible in court.
Age matters-but not how you think
People assume toddlers go to moms and teens go to dads. That’s not how it works. Courts consider the child’s age, but only as part of their needs.
A four-year-old needs routines, familiar faces, and constant care. A 14-year-old needs space, input in decisions, and support for their growing independence. The court doesn’t give custody based on age alone. It asks: Who can meet this child’s needs at this stage?
In one case, a 13-year-old girl chose to live with her dad because he supported her passion for art. The mom wanted her to focus on academics. The court respected the child’s preference-she was mature enough to express it clearly, and her dad had provided a stable, encouraging environment. The mom still had regular visits and input on school decisions.
Children’s voices are heard, especially after age 10. But the court doesn’t let them decide. They weigh the child’s wishes against their maturity, pressure from parents, and overall best interests.
What to do if you’re preparing for custody
If you’re facing separation and custody is on your mind, here’s what actually helps:
- Keep a log. Write down who does what: school runs, doctor visits, homework help, bedtime routines. Dates matter. This isn’t for the court-it’s for your clarity.
- Stay involved. Even if you don’t have primary care, show up. Attend parent-teacher meetings. Send texts. Be reliable. Consistency builds trust.
- Don’t badmouth the other parent. Not to your child. Not to friends. Not on social media. It comes back.
- Get legal advice early. A child custody lawyer doesn’t mean you’re going to court. It means you’re protecting your rights and your child’s future.
- Focus on solutions, not blame. The court rewards cooperation. The child rewards peace.
Most parents want what’s best for their kids. The problem isn’t love-it’s conflict. The best custody arrangements aren’t the ones where one parent wins. They’re the ones where both parents find a way to let the child feel safe, loved, and whole-even when they’re not under one roof.
Do mothers always get custody in New Zealand?
No. New Zealand law doesn’t favor mothers or fathers. Custody is based on the child’s best interests, including who has been the primary caregiver, the stability of the home, and the emotional bond. Many fathers get primary care, especially if they’ve been the main caregiver.
Can a child choose which parent to live with?
Children can express their preferences, especially from age 10 upward, but they don’t decide. The court considers their views alongside their maturity, whether they’re being influenced, and what’s truly best for them. A 14-year-old’s strong opinion carries weight, but not over safety or stability concerns.
What if one parent is abusive?
If there’s evidence of abuse, neglect, or serious risk, the court will limit or supervise contact. Safety always comes first. Documentation like police reports, medical records, or witness statements helps the court act quickly. Supervised visits or no contact may be ordered until the parent completes safety programs.
Do I need a lawyer to get custody?
You don’t legally need one, but it’s strongly advised. A child custody lawyer helps you understand your rights, build a strong parenting plan, and avoid mistakes that could hurt your case. Many lawyers offer low-cost initial consultations. Court forms and procedures can be confusing-getting help early saves time and stress.
How long does a custody case take?
If parents agree, a parenting plan can be filed in days. If it goes to court, it can take 6 to 18 months, depending on complexity and court backlog. Mediation is faster and cheaper. Most cases settle before trial. The sooner you get legal advice, the sooner you can move forward.
Can custody arrangements be changed later?
Yes. Life changes-new jobs, moves, health issues, or a child’s needs shifting. Either parent can apply to change the arrangement if there’s a significant change in circumstances. The court will review it based on the child’s current best interests, not the original decision.
What comes next
If you’re thinking about custody, don’t wait until things get messy. Talk to a child custody lawyer-not to prepare for a fight, but to prepare for peace. The right plan doesn’t just protect your rights. It protects your child’s future.
Start by writing down your child’s daily routine. Who does what? When? Then ask yourself: if I had to prove I’m the best person to care for them, would this list show it? That’s where your case begins-not in court, but in the quiet, everyday moments that matter most.