How Do You Prove a Conflict of Interest in Family Law?

Picture this: You're in the middle of a tense divorce, and you start to wonder if your lawyer—or your ex’s lawyer—might have a hidden agenda. Maybe they once worked together, or someone in the same law firm represented both of you in the past. Suddenly, your confidence in the process takes a hit. That’s what we call a conflict of interest, and it can seriously shake up a family law case.

So, what can you actually do if you suspect this is happening? First, you need something more solid than just a “bad feeling.” Courts want facts, not drama. For example, showing that a lawyer represented both spouses in the same divorce, or that a lawyer has access to confidential info from both sides, will turn heads pretty quickly. It’s not just about who knows who—the big question is whether their connection could hurt your case or give one side an unfair edge.

• What Is a Conflict of Interest in Family Law?
• Clear Signs Something's Off
• How to Gather Real Evidence
• What Happens After You Prove It

What Is a Conflict of Interest in Family Law?

In everyday talk, a conflict of interest in family law happens when your lawyer has ties or past dealings that make it tough—or downright impossible—for them to look out only for you. This isn’t just about personal bias or having a grudge. It’s about situations where your lawyer’s loyalty or duty is pulled in two directions. The results can be messy, unfair, or even illegal.

This is a big deal in family law because you’re trusting your attorney with some of your most personal details—everything from finances to kids to past arguments. If your lawyer once represented your ex, or even a close family member, they might have inside knowledge they just can’t ignore. Worse, they could be tempted (or legally forced) to take a side you didn’t expect.

Now, the American Bar Association has real, written rules about conflicts. Under their Rule 1.7, a lawyer can’t represent clients with directly competing interests unless all parties sign off on it, and even then only if it’s possible to represent everyone fairly. States have their own versions of this rule, but the big idea is the same everywhere—keep it fair and keep it honest.

Here are a few classic examples that come up all the time:

• Your attorney used to represent your ex-spouse in any matter—doesn’t have to be about your marriage.
• Two lawyers in the same firm are representing people on opposing sides of your divorce or custody battle.
• Your lawyer is close friends with your ex, or has a family connection to them.
• The attorney has private info about both sides because of past work.

Why does this matter so much? Because the law—and common sense—says you deserve one-hundred-percent loyalty. Nobody wants to think the other side is getting a sneak peek at their strategy, even if it’s just by accident.

Take a look at how common this is in practice:

_{*Based on an American Bar Association survey from 2023.}

If you’re hunting for a conflict of interest in your family law case, start by looking for divided loyalties—any connection your attorney has with the other side, past or present, could be a red flag.

Clear Signs Something's Off

Spotting a conflict of interest in a family law case isn’t always as obvious as bumping into your ex’s lawyer at your cousin’s barbecue. But there are some big red flags to watch for. If you catch these early, you’ll avoid nasty surprises down the road.

• Your attorney or the other side’s lawyer previously represented both you and your ex—whether in the same matter or a past legal dispute. Family court judges take this one seriously, especially in tight-knit communities.
• A lawyer suddenly seems to be holding back, acting odd, or won’t push for things that clearly help your case. If they tiptoe around certain topics, ask yourself why.
• Anyone on your legal team has access to private info about you or your kids—because of previous work—now representing your ex or someone on their side.
• Lawyers share an office, belong to the same firm, or have a history of working together closely. Sometimes, even an office assistant who switched teams can create a conflict.

Record-keeping and transparency help you spot these messes. You’ve got the right to ask your attorney straight up about any past relationships with your ex or their team. It’s not rude—it’s smart.

Here’s a quick look at the most common situations where conflicts pop up, based on a 2023 survey of family law cases in the U.S.:

If you notice any of those situations, don’t chalk it up to paranoia—it’s worth digging deeper. You’re not just protecting yourself; you’re making sure the whole case stays fair.

How to Gather Real Evidence

Finding real proof of a conflict of interest isn’t about wild guesses—it’s about gathering clear, specific details that would make any judge pay attention. Judges need more than just suspicions or old rumors. Here’s what works:

Start by digging up the paperwork. Did any lawyer or law firm on your case formally represent both you and your ex at any point? Retainer agreements or old case files provide hard evidence. Even past emails mentioning shared info or consultations count.

• Request Lawyer Records: Ask for the law firm's conflict checks. Every law firm keeps a list of past clients to avoid these issues. If your name pops up in their books for a different case, that’s big.
• Show Overlapping Representation: If you and your ex used the same lawyer for wills, prenups, or past court battles, find old documents or invoices showing this overlap.
• Save Messages: Hang onto emails, phone call logs, or texts where lawyers discuss both sides’ personal info. This matters a lot if the same lawyer was chatting with both spouses.
• Collect Witness Statements: Did anyone else hear or see the lawyer representing both of you? Notes from mediators, other attorneys, or even paralegals can back up your claim.

Certain states even require lawyers to file conflict waivers with the court or their own client files. If you can’t find one on record and both sides were represented, that’s a red flag right there.

If you have even one of these in your pocket, take it to a new lawyer for advice, or file it in court with a formal motion to disqualify the conflicted attorney. Be organized and specific about what you’ve found—the clearer you are, the harder it is for anyone to brush off your claim.

What Happens After You Prove It

So you finally have proof there’s a real conflict of interest. What now? The good news is, once you show hard evidence, a judge has to step in. You won’t be stuck guessing what comes next—the law is pretty straightforward here.

Most of the time, the first thing that happens is the lawyer with the conflict has to get out of the case. This is called being “disqualified.” It doesn’t matter if they’re from a small firm or a giant one—if you can prove an actual or even potential conflict, they’re usually shown the door.

The judge might also call for a "Chinese Wall" (sounds wild, but it just means a strong barrier within a law firm to keep information separate). Real talk, this doesn’t happen a lot in divorce or custody fights, because family law is super personal—judges don’t like taking the risk.

Here’s what you might expect once you’ve proven your point:

• Conflict of interest attorney is removed from the case—sometimes right away, sometimes after a hearing.
• The firm itself could get blocked from representing either party if the conflict is big enough.
• Your case may pause for a bit while everyone catches up, since the removed lawyer’s client will need a new attorney.
• If there was confidential info leaked, a judge can order new rules to protect you—and sometimes, penalties for the lawyer or firm that messed up.

Here’s a tip that often gets missed: keep an eye on the other side’s moves after you raise the issue. Sometimes, conflicts show up again if firms don’t tighten up their practices. Don't assume one win means the end—stay alert until your case is settled.

If you’re worried the process just delays things, you’re not wrong. Things slow down for a bit, but it’s way better than trusting an unfair system. The courts treat this seriously because, at the end of the day, every family law case is about real people’s lives, money, and kids. Making sure everyone plays fair isn’t just legal—it matters for your future.